Suck on this, China.

I don’t see why there aren’t celebrations in the streets right now.

This morning, just days after losing the bid to host the 2016 Olympic games in Chicago, much to the elation of the douchebags from the local Conservative Movement, President Barack Obama was informed that he had won the Nobel Peace Prize for 2009.

So what if in Copenhagen you can be approved to host the Olympics and in Oslo you get attacked in museums by men with guns.

Immediately people from the Left, Right, and Taliban were in outrage. “Hey!” they said, in their whiniest voices possible, “what did Barack Obama do except state a bunch of aspirations? I have aspirations of my own too! Such as reducing the time I spend breathing through my mouth by 50%. Why don’t I get a Nobel Prize also?”

When any of these people become the first African-American President of the United States, I would like to personally offer them coaching in steps to avoid mouth-breathing (it looks terrible at press conferences). For the rest of us Americans, I ask why we are scrutinizing this award so much and putting it through the partisan lens.

Why don’t we think of Nobel Prizes more like Olympic medals? During the 2008 Olympic Games in Beijing, all the hype was about the US keeping up with the juggernaut Chinese Olympic delegation. Every gold medal earned by an individual of the US team was greeted with praise. Did Repubicans scrutinize every gold earned by Michael Phelps due to his being in actuality a well-crafted robot, as evidenced by his appearance on Saturday Night Live? No! When it came to taking on the Chinese menace, they had no objection.

Too bad we were still trounced. Check out the final rankings.

Gold medals per country (2008):
China – 51
USA – 36
Russia – 23

Now look at the Nobel Prize rankings per country:

USA – 318
UK – 115
Germany – 103

As can be seen, the US has the clear lead, while China does not even make the top three, with only 5 laureates. But with a population of 1.3 billion and a firm grip on the lead-paint export market, China could soon catch up. At this point, I would be more afraid of them than lazy-pants, john-a-dreams Obama. Think about it, America.

Update (10/11/09):

It has been pointed out that sour-grapes, non-Nobel Prize winners who will be going to Oslo to protest Obama’s award will have someone to keep them company. From the Vigeland Sculpture Park:

The Angry Baby